My blog has moved!

Hi friends!

I have VERY exciting news! My blog has officially moved to a new home at lindseyweatherl.com. A new post has been added, too!

Check it out! www.lindseyweatherl.com

All the best,
Lindsey

I go out Walking

This past Saturday, I took a walk.  

Now, when I say “walk,” I don’t mean just a breeze around the block. No – this walk was much more than that.  

All throughout my young adult life, walks have played a part in my spiritual growth. A few years ago, I had a hard conversation with a friend at Starbucks. I left feeling sad and confused about what the Lord was doing in my life. I drove to the nature preserve down the road and went walking. When my job after college wasn’t all that I thought it was going to be, I walked. As I struggled with singleness, I did the same. For an hour or more, I would walk. I would sing. I would pray. I would listen.

Life over the past few months has been interesting.

In the middle of August, my husband and I picked up our Bostonian life and moved to Midland, Texas. I started school, my husband went to work for the family business, and life officially changed. Although many things about the change were wonderful, I had a hard time (and still can have a hard time) adjusting to everything.

You see, I have a problem.

I want to control my life. I want my marriage to look a certain way, and if it doesn’t, I get upset. I want my day-to-day circumstances to operate in a particular fashion, and if they don’t, I try to change them. I see the sin in my life, and despise it. What do I do? You got it! I try to fix it.

Now, before I get too far, I must state the following:

I think seeing negative things in your life and seeking to improve them is a good thing. The harm rests in how you do it. For me, the process consists of self-dependence. I analyze what conversations I need to have, what I need to do, and how I am going to do it. I white-knuckle it. If the issue is anger, I try to stop snapping and instead try to pray through conflict. If it’s discontentment, I strive to be more thankful.

The problem is it doesn’t work.

It’s exhausting, and it’s why I went on a walk.

In Deuteronomy 11, Moses is giving the Israelites instructions for living.

“Observe, therefore all the commands I am giving you today, so that you may have the strength to go in and take over the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, and so that you may live long in the land that the Lord swore to your forefathers to give to them and their descendants, a land flowing with milk and honey…The land you are crossing over the Jordan to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven…[The Lord] will send rain on your land in season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. [The Lord] will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied” (verses 8, 9, 11, 14, and 15).

The Lord, through Moses, told the Israelites how to live. He promised them that if they lived in accordance to his laws, He would take care of them. They only needed to depend on Him to do it. If they were to fight, He would tell them when and where to go, and would eventually deliver their enemies into their hands. If they needed food, He would supply it. They needed only to trust and obey Him. He would take care of the rest.  

As I walked, I reflected on this.

There are things in my life (and things in my heart) that I want to change. There are things that I know are damaging to myself, as well as others, that I wish would just disappear. Even though, at times, I feel like it's impossible, I know that the Lord is the solution.

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin” (Romans 6:6).

Sin has been rendered powerless in my life because of Christ’s death on the cross. I don’t have to mastered by sin.  

I also know that God provides (as seen in Deuteronomy).  

I don’t believe the Lord promises me nice possessions or circumstances that don’t cause pain, but I do believe He is the supplier of joy and peace (Romans 15:13), and He is the giver of life (John 14:6).

Just like He encouraged the Israelites to trust Him and rely on Him for provision, He asks the same of us. Obedience leads to joy and peace, and if we are in need, He is there.

As I walked, I prayed that I would depend on Him and not on myself. I prayed that He would humble me so that, in life and conflict, I didn’t always have to be the winner. I prayed that He would allow me to trust Him with the circumstances in life and train me to respond rightly to them. I praised Him for His goodness, and I rested in His peace.

What’s going to happen during my lifetime is still a mystery, but I do know that, in the end, life will be full. Heaven is going to be amazing, and it’s promised to those who believe. However, as I walk on this earth, I have to remember that I’m not God. I can’t control everything, and even when things I don’t like are happening, I have to let go.

The Lord is the only one with the power to change hearts and the ability to completely control situations. I’m praying that I trust Him.

I don’t know what’s going on in your life, but I do know that He knows where you are, and He listens to your cries. Go on a walk. Let Him know what’s going on. He’s faithful.  

The Real Truth in our Move to Texas

The mister and I on our flight to Dallas, Texas. 

Yesterday, the mister and I left Boston.

The whole process of finding movers, packing everything up, and turning in the keys to our little apartment was quite the roller coaster ride for me. It’s difficult saying goodbye to a place you’ve learned to enjoy and a group of people you’d rather not live without. It was especially hard leaving the place I first lived in with the mister.

Six Thirty-Seven Tremont Street was a true gem.

Within its tiny walls, the mister and I grew. We learned what it was like to sleep in same bed comfortably. (I got several mid-night elbows to the face until we figured out how to navigate our sleeping positions.) We learned how to argue like a married couple, and how to work through conflict in an encouraging way (we are still not perfect, here). In our apartment, we asked each other questions and tried to figure out how to spend our time in a way that’s fruitful, enjoyable, and life-giving. We watched some awesome movies, and a couple of not-so-great TV shows. (ABC’s “Nashville” does not fall into this category.) It was because of our apartment, and our apartment only, that we met Fadi, the owner of the pizza shop next door. Fadi is super cool – and he became our friend instantly. 

Although, our little apartment in the big city was not built for tall people (I frequently hit the chandeliers while stretching, folding blankets, or just moving around in weird ways), it felt like home. It was awesome, and I hoped to be there for a little while longer. I cried when we left.

Yesterday, as I was reading on the flight to Dallas, I came across this verse, and it encouraged me.

“Rise up, Balak, and listen! Hear me, son of Zippor. God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” (Numbers 23:18-19)

It’s an odd one, I know, but it holds a lot of truth.

You see, God never changes. In a world that is constantly reconsidering its position, God is certain. He is faithful, even when we don’t believe. There is nothing that can alter who he is. He is just, He is love, and He is full of grace. He is slow to anger, and quick to offer us mercy.

He is constant and unwavering. We, on the other hand, are not.

I never thought I would ever live in Boston. In fact, I wanted to settle in Dallas with my family, my church, and my friends. I never thought I would uproot my life, quit my job, sell my car, change my last name, and live in a city that requires public transportation. I, also, never thought I would learn to love it and then, in a matter of a month, have to leave it.  

You see, the mister and I were supposed to stay in Boston for three years. That was the plan – and, I would say, we both thought it was certain. 

Isn’t that how life goes?

We all make plans. We all set out to ‘conquer the world’ in our unique way. Some of us plan on going to school so that we can add value to the lives of others. Some plan on finding that special someone and settling down. Others of us plan on getting pregnant and starting a family.

The truth is, however, that it may or may not work out.

We end up in a tough situation and can’t go to school. We think we are going to marry a certain person, and then we don’t. We keep trying to have kids, but, for some reason, we can’t.

Things change. Our plans don’t succeed.  

Psalm 25:3 reads, “No one whose hope is [in the Lord] will ever be put to shame.”

The world can change, and we can change with it. We can plan to go one way, but then end up going in the opposite direction. Nothing is certain outside of the character and being of God. We can invest all of our time and money into the stock market, and, as we all know, it can crash. We can try our hardest to be the most well-liked person on the face of the planet, but we may commit some party foul and fail at it.

Nothing in this world is sure except for the Lord. He is worthy of our trust and our hope. He is worthy of holding all of the eggs we would naturally place in some other basket. He doesn’t fail. He doesn’t change.

Where are you placing your hope? What happens when your plans fail you? Think about it.

Even though moving back to Texas was a change that the mister and I chose, it's still a testament to the fact that we don't know what life holds for us. 

On Monday, the mister and I will head to Midland, Texas where he will work and I will begin my studies. The plan is to stay there until the Fall of 2014, and then head back to Boston for 2 years for grad school.

That’s the plan, but I’ll keep you posted.  

An Ode to 27 (or Something Like That...)

A few weeks ago, I turned 27. 

In honor of my new number, I thought about writing out a list of the 27 most interesting things that have happened in the 27 years I’ve been alive. (That list would have included historical events such as the downfall of The Dixie Chicks and the time with Garth Brooks decided to become Chris Gains.) I even thought about writing out the 27 people who have influenced my life the most, but I figured I would save that for a much more…um…monumental year.

So here’s where I landed:

This is what I like to call an ode-that’s-not-an-ode to 27. A list of things I’ve learned over the years that I hope to remember for the rest of my life.  (And, yes. You guessed it. There are 27 of them.)

Ready? Go!

1. Don’t lay on the grass in Texas. Always use a blanket. - If you don’t, you will most definitely get some sort of bug bite, if not 30 of them. Unfortunately, I have experienced this one first hand. My max number of bug bites is 42. Not fun!

2. Addictions aren’t worth it. – After nine years of addiction (anorexia/obsession over food and exercise), I learned that things can and will rule your life, if you let them. These things not only hurt you spiritually, emotionally and physically, but they also hurt those around you.  It’s hard to love others well when you’re always focusing on yourself. Freedom from addiction is soooo sweet, and it’s possible. Talk to someone you trust about it. It’ll be a battle, but the Lord is strong, even in your own weakness.  

3. When in conflict, watch your tone. – It’s not always what you say that hurts others but how you say it. Stay calm…you can communicate better that way.

4. Boston always smells like urine or weed. – I love Boston, but it’s true. No explanation needed. 

5. Humility is not weakness. – Humility isn’t easy. It’s difficult to praise the annoying girl at work for a job well done, and it’s hard to not brag about some accomplishment you achieved. Humility isn’t weakness. It takes a strong person to live it out. It shows people that you care about something much bigger than yourself – and that’s what you’re choosing to be defined by.

6. Everyone is looking for acceptance and meaning. We all just try to find it in different places. – Whether you’re an attorney, a bus driver, or a stay-at-home heir to billions, you want to be meaningful to someone. In an attempt to find acceptance and a purpose, we pick an identity. For a long time, I tried to be “Lindsey the health nut.” We all have ‘titles’ we are trying to obtain, and we think the content of those “titles” will make others accept us. We find happiness in them because they bring us what we want. The problem is, they will always fail us. (See number 7.)

7. If you try to find your meaning in temporary things, you will end up disappointed. – People will forget you. (I know…it sounds awful, but it’s true.) Just think about it. What was the name of your great grandfather’s father, and what was he good at doing? Unless your great, great grandfather was a president or something, you probably don’t know. I can choose to be “Lindsey the health nut” the rest of my life, but who cares? I think being healthy is important, so I’ll seek to do it, but it’s definitely not where my identity needs to rest. There’s only one place worthy of that. (See number 8.)

8. Eternal life exists in the name of Jesus. Jesus, the Son of God, died on the cross for our sins. You see, only a perfect sacrifice would be enough to account for the misdeeds of humanity, and the utter brokenness of our hearts. In order to do this, God sent Jesus – a perfect being without blemish or any sin. He died on the cross taking on the sins of the people (our sin). He rose on the third day declaring that death had been swallowed up by life – and we all could have hope. “If you confess with you mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9). It’s eternal. It lasts forever. Your life in Christ never ends. It’s worth knowing and finding your identity in Him. It will never fail you.

9. “Dishwasher soap” and “dish soap” are two different things. – Don’t ever put dish soap in the dishwasher. I flooded my parents’ kitchen that way. You can ask them about it. Just trust me, and don’t do it.

10. Resolve conflict early. – You never know if tomorrow is going to happen for you. If you’re in an argument or disagreement with someone, resolve it. No one wants to live with regret for the rest of his or her life.

11. Sisters are a gift from God. – If you have one, you know what I’m talking about.

12. Right now, you’re setting habits for the future. – What do you want your life to look like in 10 years? If you want to be a woman or man of the Word, if you want to be an encouragement to your spouse or your kids, if you want to be a person of prayer, get on it now. “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come…” (Ecclesiastes 12:1).

13. Coping mechanisms don’t work forever. – Finding a new relationship, a new hobby, or a new favorite dessert does not take the place of healing. Often times, the things we do to take our minds off of the pain we feel only serve as Band-Aids. At some point, it is going to get ripped of, and your wound is going to be exposed. Deal with your problems in a healthy way. Work through them. You’ll save yourself some grief in the future.

14. Clean up as you go. – My dad championed this phrase when I was growing up…and when I lived with them as a young adult. If you don’t do this, you end up spending hours just picking up around the house. As I look at the mess on the floor of our apartment, I hate the fact that I don’t have this one mastered, yet.

15. Community is vital. – Without a group of solid people around me, I would probably make worse decisions than I already do. Having people ask me the important questions in life gives me the accountability needed to live it to the fullest. Being known is important…I would suggest it to anyone.

16. Applesauce is a good substitute for butter. – I have my Grandma Betty to thank for this one.  Her cinnamon rolls were awesome…

17. You only get one body. Take care of it. – Eat well. Eat when you’re hungry, and stop when you’re full. Find some type of physical activity you enjoy doing, and do it often. If you eat out of emotion (or choose to starve yourself out of emotion), find out what the root is, and talk to someone about it. Pray for help. Glorify the Lord with your eating habits. If you do, you won’t regret it.

18. A lot of people in the world don’t have access to clean drinking water. – I read a book called “Hold in Our Gospel” several years ago, and my perspective on water completely changed. Some people around the world don’t have water to drink. They are really thirsty. Their mouths are dry and all they want is something to drink. A simple resource that we have in abundance others are longing for. We’re blessed. We truly are.

19. You never regret time spent in God’s word. – God’s word is living and active. It changes lives. Spending time learning about God and how to live in light of who He is, is one of the most important things we can do each day. It’s worth abandoning TV shows, a few extra hours of sleep, or an early morning run for.

20. If you want to grow, you have to train on the hills. – Running on flat land is a breeze. If you want to get faster and stronger, you have to hit the hills. They are harder, but they produce a better athlete. I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for the rough break up, the crazy battle with addiction, or my struggles with insecurity. Hills happen, but you have to keep running. The Lord will use them for your good. Trust Him and persevere.

21. In bowling, a “turkey” is not a bird. – I got a “turkey” (three strikes in a row) while on the bowling team in high school. Instead of rejoicing, I explained that I didn’t want one. I thought they were going to give me a turkey, and Thanksgiving was still 9 months away.

22. Side hugs are kind of awkward. – In the South (especially in the more conservative South), side hugs are an everyday occurrence. If you see a friend of yours, you simply walk up to them, wrap one arm around them, and give them a squeeze. It’s simple, and no one thinks twice about it. In the North, however, it’s different. Up here, a side hug always ends awkwardly – and you (the side hugger) are always the reason for it. 

23. I’m not above anything. – I am capable of causing a lot of harm in this world. If I’m not careful, I will end up doing things that could hurt others and myself. I am capable of being a bad parent, a mischievous bride, and a drug addict. If I think I am above sin, I will sin. If I think that I am defensible, I will live too casually and make bad decisions.  We are all broken and, with the help of a weak moment, can do terrible things.

24. Men and women are very different – and not just in anatomy. – For some reason, it took me a long time to figure this one out. I always assumed that men saw the world through the same set of eyes as women, but after a short 7 months of marriage (and talking with several other women and men I know) I realize I was desperately mistaken. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for the differences – it’s still just still a little mind-blowing to me sometimes.

25. Practice really does make perfect. – My dad used to push me to practice guitar. I never wanted to. Today, I wish I would have. You really can lose some things...

26. I was not created without thought. – Some people argue that we all came from a random collision of matter. I wasn’t, and I don’t believe you were either. I believe you were designed and pieced together in your mother’s womb, and that, in that process, you were given natural bents and talents. There are things that will come easier to you than they do to others. Dig into those things. Get to know yourself and the way the Lord created you. Cultivate your talents, your God-given abilities, and use them for good. You were created for a reason.

27. Life is short, and you never know when it’s going to end. – This one sounds completely awful and depressing, but I think it’s important to remember it. I mean, many of us have experienced the death of someone we know who died too young. I’m only 27, but I may not make it to 28. Remembering that life is short helps me seek to live it right. Love much. Speak truth. Don’t waste time.

I love odes-that-aren’t-odes. Don’t you?

Here’s to life and the lessons that it brings! May we all live life to the fullest, learn a ton, and laugh often. 

Wrestling, Rocks, Idols, and Numbers 16

Most of my life, I’ve been wrestling.

Now, before that statement gets misinterpreted, I’m not a jacked, throw-‘em-down, and make-them-beg-for-mercy type gal. In fact, I hate contact sports. What I’m talking about is an internal wrestle. It’s a constant pull between two things: the path of life and peace, and the path that leads to death.

I know that sounds extreme, but it’s very true.

As a first grader, I stole rocks from my teacher’s rock collection.  I remember sitting in the back of the room with the rock bin thinking I should just get up and walk away, but for some reason, the lure of the Tiger Rock was too strong. I knew stealing was wrong, but the stone was shiny, and I wanted it…

In high school, I snuck out of the house to play a board game with several of my friends. I analyzed which window didn’t have an alarm sensor on it, pulled it open, and climbed out. As I walked to my car, I thought about the consequences and reconsidered my decision, but I kept going. I put the engine in neutral and rolled down the street.

As a young adult, I wrestled with a cute shirt at The Gap. It was $52.00. I didn’t have money for it. I stood there wondering if I could charge it and pay later…I chose to walk away without the shirt.

I think you get my point.

Small and large decisions give us the opportunity to think about the path we want to take. The problem is choosing the right one. For some, walking down ‘the straight and narrow’ is their first choice – their natural bent. Unfortunately, for me, it’s not.

Since I’ve been married, I have come face-to-face with the root of my bad decisions. For a long time, I saw each bad decision or each emotional struggle as something completely separate from all of the others. Today, however, I believe they are all a little more connected than I originally thought.

You see, about five months ago, I hit a rough patch.  

I was newly married and transitioning through a lot of change. At the same time, I felt spiritually disconnected, unmotivated to follow Christ, and distracted when it came to the meaning of life. My mind kept fixating on lies, and my actions were beginning to respond to them, as well. I knew I didn’t want to be in the place that I was, but both my heart and my head weren’t ready to move anywhere else. I was frustrated. I felt stuck.

On a flight to Dallas, I opened up a book written by Timothy Keller entitled “Counterfeit Gods,” and I finally took a step forward.

“Idolatry is always the reason we ever do anything wrong…there is something you feel you must have to be happy, something that is more important to your heart than God himself. We would not lie unless we first had something – human approval, reputation, power over others, financial advantage – more important and valuable to our hearts than the grace and favor of God. The secret to change is to identify and dismantle the counterfeit gods of your heart.”

I was in awe.

I put the book down and immediately started reflecting on the sin in my life.

Where do I normally stumble? Where do I typically give in to the desires of my flesh instead of the Spirit? I thought of few things and then asked myself more questions. Why do I stumble in those places? What motivates me to make the bad decisions I make?

It didn’t take me long to identify three reasons. Three idols. Three “counterfeit gods”:  

First, there’s adoration and acceptance.

Most of the sin in my life is rooted in the desire to be well liked by others, to fit in, or to be considered as awesome. (Who doesn’t like to be awesome?)

It typically leads to jealousy, competitiveness, or trying to get the attention of others through superficial things. In the past, it led me to find meaning in how much attention I could get from guys or in how ‘fit/skinny’ I was.  Today, I find myself saying things I shouldn’t or comparing myself to others in a way that is not glorifying to Christ. I can easily crave the acceptance and praise of others over the acceptance and love of God. (Which I know He provides.)

Secondly, there’s self.

Often times, I just want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. It’s selfishness at its finest. It’s thinking I’m more important than the other people in my life.

This idol pops up when I’m in line at the grocery store and the woman in front of me won’t stop talking to the cashier when I want to check out. I get frustrated, and it’s obvious. It’s also apparent when my husband wants to go over our finances, and I choose to get distracted with something else. Instead of honoring him and serving him by giving him my full attention, I do what I want. (I don’t like numbers.)

Any time I don’t do the good I know I ought to do, the idol of self is to blame.

Lastly, and quite possibly the most disgusting of them all, is pleasure.

It’s seeking happiness in the moment instead of what’s right.

Eating too much dessert, being lazy instead of being productive, spending too much time on Facebook instead of spending time doing things on my to-do list. Yuck!

Idols are funny. We worship them, but then make bad decisions or experience bondage on their behalf. We are broken people.

Identifying the deep idols in life was huge for me. I began keeping a list of all of times I was swayed by each idol, and I was amazed at how influential they all were. I experienced a lot of freedom through this process as I confessed and asked for God’s help with each one.

I wish I could say that today, after discovering the idols of my heart and confessing them to God, I am idol free, but it’s just not the case. Even though I feel as though the Lord has helped me give certain areas over to Him, which has decreased the power of some of my idols, I still struggle.

Proverbs 14:12 reads like this: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”

Today, I can say that I want freedom from my idols (which was not where I was several months ago), but at the same time, I want all of the things that I think my idols will secure for me. I still want the popularity and praise from those in my life that adoration and acceptance brings. I still want the comfort of selfishness and the temporary happiness and relief I find in pursuing paths for pleasure. At the same time, I know these things lead to death. We were not created to life our lives for ourselves. Sin kills.

Romans 8:6 reads: “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.”

Jesus’ words in Mark 8:35 read: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

I know that following Christ means abandoning my self and my own order of doing things. God created me and He designed life. He has a way He intended life to be lived, and that design includes Him being my only God. In order to follow Christ, and live a life of peace, I must fall in love with following Him with every area of my heart – even the ones currently possessed by idols. The problem is, it feels scary, and I like comfort. (See idol number 2.)

As I seek to loosen my grip on the idols in my life, and I struggle with the fear involved in doing so, I must remember there’s a solution. I’m not alone in my wrestling, nor am I alone in my attempt to be more like Christ. He made a way for victory.

Let’s go to Numbers 16:41-50. I think it paints the picture well.

In this passage, the Israelites are still wondering through the dessert under the leadership of Moses and Aaron. Instead of trusting God with the leaders He appointed (Moses and Aaron), all of the Israelites “grumbled” against them. They grumbled against God. They wanted to do things their own way. They didn’t want to live under the authority of the Lord.

So God chose to give them what they wanted – life apart from Him. God sent a plague.

“Then Moses said to Aaron, ‘Take your censer and put incense in it, along with fire from the altar, and hurry to the assembly to make atonement for them.’ So Aaron did as Moses said, and ran into the midst of the assembly. The plague had already started among the people, but Aaron offered the incense and made atonement for them. He stood between the living and the dead, and the plague stopped” (vs. 46-48).

Just like Aaron (the one God appointed to make sacrifices for the sins of the community) stood in between life and death for the Israelites, Christ stood in between life and death for you and me. Christ, through His death on the cross and His resurrection from the dead, bridged the gap for us. For those who genuinely believe in Him, the plague of death has stopped. We have been rescued.

Seeing the sin in your own life and wishing it wasn’t there is hard. Trying to rid your self of it is impossible. It is only accomplished through the work of God himself, and a willing and submissive heart.

As I sit here wrestling with the goodness of God, and the temptation to choose my idols over Him, I am encouraged to not give into death.

“Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing” (Psalm 34:9&10).

He is the giver of life. He gives us abundantly what we need. We can seek to let our idols rule, but in the end, they will only fail us. We can put all of our energy into our idols, but they will only lead to sin, which, if you think about it, is a waste of energy. If we want, we can keep depending upon our “counterfeit gods,” while still claiming that we believe that Christ is enough, but it will only lead to death. There’s no debate about it.

“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and cruses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers…” (Deuteronomy 30:19&20).

May we all abandon our idols, and all of the gods we worship, so that we may choose life with the only God there is.

Marathon Monday

By now, the whole world knows. It’s been a little crazy up here in Boston.

From Monday’s bombing to Friday’s “manhunt,” things have definitely been…um…intense. I first sat down to write this post the day after the bombing and have a hard time finishing it.

The truth is, there are so many things a person can takeaway from the events that have happened in Boston (and in West, Texas and all over the world). Part of me wants to lie out my life and the things in it that I count as utterly important that I probably wouldn’t, if I truly understood how short life on earth really was and is.  The other part of me wants to write out my sorrow surrounding the position of “Suspect #2” (how he’s a 19 year old that potentially had a full life ahead of him, but he chose a path that leads to destruction and, now, is an Enemy of the State). I’d write about how my heart longs for him to come to know the Lord and how I believe even he, the criminal, can be saved by the grace of God. (I will, most likely, still write about these things in future posts.)

Today, though, I want to finish the post I started on Tuesday, April 16^th.

This post may feel kind of grim because it’s about the first thing that comes to a person’s mind after a tragedy. The world would maybe call it the second darkest thing after the heinous crimes of the individuals that caused the crime itself. My point, however, is not to scare people, but to share the hope and the certainty that is in Christ.

What you’ll read is how the event happened in my life, and what I first gathered from it. (Exhale…)

So, in an attempt to make this post as short as possible, here we go…

Tuesday, April 16^th, 2013

As the news channels display the pictures, and government officials try to explain to the world what is going on, I’ve been thinking…

Last week, all of the setup began. The medical tent was placed a short distance from the finish line, bleachers were set in place, and the city seemed to be getting busier by the second. It was going to be my first Boston Marathon experience (as a spectator, of course), and I was excited.

I walked to work an hour early Monday morning.

You see, “Marathon Monday” tends to put the city in a buzz. People line up everywhere, roads are blocked off, and several of the T stations are put to rest. Let’s just say, this makes getting around a little more difficult than normal. I didn’t mind, too much.

Monday morning, things were quiet.

A few spectators were gearing up outside of my office, as I walked to the eatery next door. I bought a coffee, went upstairs, and began reading a book. I had about an hour, and I figured I might as well relax a little bit before the day’s festivities began. As I ate, I heard people talking about the race. Excitement, mixed with nervous anticipation, seemed to be everywhere.

Around 8:20am, I walked next door, went up the elevator, and sat down at my desk – about 100 yards away from the finish line.

The office was busy.

We had been given a challenge a few weeks ago. If we met our goals, the second half of Monday would be a Patriot’s Day celebration. We would get out of the office and experience some of the activity outside by the finish line. We hadn’t met the goals, yet – and everyone was frantically trying to do so.

As noon hit, the first runner was making their way across the finish line.

Wanting to see some of the action, I left for my lunch break and ventured down to the edge of the street. Due to the mass amount of people, I couldn’t get to the finish line. I peaked around and over people, tried to squeeze through, but eventually decided that I’d just have to wait until later to see everything clearly.

I grabbed some pretzels from CVS, and I walked back to work. Several of us ate by the window of our office so that we could see “the zombies” pass by (runners who had finished the race who were a little stiff legged).

By the time 2:00pm hit, everyone in the office was back in “go” mode. Phone calls were being made, deals were being discussed, and leads were being sourced. I had just finished texting my mom about their trip to Boston (they were due to fly in the next day) and refocused my attention on the work in front of me.

Minutes later (at 2:50pm) a loud noise shook our building – and everything in my office stopped.

All of us looked up from our computers, stood up, and ran to the window that overlooked the “recovery area” of the finish line. Within two seconds the scene shifted from looks of victory to horror. It seemed like only 5 seconds passed when another loud boom echoed throughout Boston.

People started running.

Athletes who had just finished running over 26 miles, and could barely walk, began sprinting down the street below us. People in nearby buildings began running outside away from the finish line area. Medical personnel and cops began running against the wave of people toward the scene.

Not quite sure what had happened, I looked up and saw the John Hancock Tower (the tallest building in Boston and the place where my husband works). Everything seemed to fine. I exhaled in relief.

The office was in a complete frenzy. Some people thought a gunman was on the loose. A few thought the finish line (a very large metal beam) had fallen. Others thought bombs were the cause. Intentional or not, we didn’t know. All we knew was that something terrible was happening. We couldn’t see what had happened, but we were right by it.

A few seconds later, a “tweet” and a picture came across my colleague’s screen. The finish line of the Boston Marathon had been bombed…twice.

I began to imagine what we couldn’t see. I looked at the emergency vehicles stacking up down the street. “How could something like this happen? What if my husband was down there? What if he had left his office to watch his friend cross the finish line? What is going on? Where is he?” 

I ran to my desk. My husband had called. I picked up my phone and dialed his number…no answer. I tried again, but this time, my phone wasn’t working. I picked up the landline and finally got through to his work voicemail:

“Hey. I saw that you called. I think a bomb went off. I’m okay. I see your building. It looks fine, so I’m thinking you’re okay, too. I love you.” (Or something like that.) I set the phone down, and my heart began racing. What we didn’t know and the fear of what could happen next was chilling.

The next few seconds were a blur, but the next thing I knew, my husband was in my office. He, after being alarmed by his secretary that a bomb had gone off, told those he could to evacuate, and then ran down 42 flights of stairs, unsure of what he would see when he got out of the building. Would my office building be in flames? He couldn’t get a hold of me. He called his parents and asked them to pray.

Once outside, he ran across the street, past a few cops who were trying to stop him, and into my building.

Ten minutes after the first bomb had gone off, we were together and maybe even safe.

As everyone in the office debated whether or not we should stay or leave, we watched people outside of the window. Streets were being shut down, volunteers were turning over tables and throwing them out of the way so that medical vehicles could get through, people with stretchers were running toward the medical tent, and camera men were running with cameras toward the scene.

The sirens in our building sounded. We grabbed our bags, ran out of our office, down the stairs, and out the back door of the building into the alley. As police officers begged for people to clear the area (they didn’t know if another bomb was going to go off), Caleb and I prayed. We walked home (very quickly) calling family and friends. We were okay.

I know this is a lot of detail, and, if you’re like me, you’re probably not interested in the stories anymore. At this point, I kind of just want answers. However, I tell these things so that I can make my point clear:

Death happens.

I know this is a terribly awful statement for a lot of people to read after watching the horrific events on Monday, but I think it’s one of the most important things a person can think about. The answer can even shape the rest of your life.

You see, I believe that life lasts forever.

The Bible speaks of two different eternities – eternal life, or heaven, and eternal death, also known as hell (See Matthew 25:46). The Bible also says that God wants EVERYONE to know him and have eternal life (2 Peter 3:9). He even provides us with a solution so that we don’t have to experience eternal death.

You see, God created man – he created you and me. He created man to do good things and live life with a pure heart, not causing pain or hurt or chaos to anyone or anything. It was a beautiful creation. He gave us Eden a perfect and beautiful place. He wanted good for us. (And He still does.) God told Adam and Eve that they could eat anything in the garden, except for the fruit of one tree – “The tree of the knowledge of good and evil.” He wanted them to choose to love and obey Him, not be forced into it. They chose a different path.

Adam and Eve ate the apple and, by doing so, chose to go against the provision that the Lord had for them…perfection.  Sin entered (See Romans 5:12).

We, just like Adam and Eve, are not perfect and make mistakes that cause harm, hurt, chaos and confusion to others. (“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23) Sin, in its original language, is an archery term that means “missing the mark” – and the Bible says the “wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23).

But there’s hope.

The Bible also says that “the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23). It reads, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). He paid the price for our sin. He died, and His death ransomed us. His death declared us righteous (or in right standing) before God. It’s a gift. We didn’t, and don’t, have to earn it (Ephesians 2:8).

Today, I live by this truth: “If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9).

He is life. Eternal life. (John 3:16)

I guess what I’m trying to say, is there is an answer. “The afterlife” doesn’t have to be a scary, uncertain, mythological thing. You can know.  You don’t have to wonder. You can walk through life knowing that even if death happens, it’s not over. There’s no fear in death. What a relief!

When the bombings happened, everything stopped. What people were doing didn’t matter. What everyone had planned didn’t either. All that mattered was life – what it was and how to save it.  

My prayer is that events like this would make us stop and think. May those who know the Lord rest in the fact that in Him and Him only is eternal life and you have nothing to fear. May those who feel uncertain, search for the truth. Don’t let anxiety or awkwardness stop you. Search for answer. There is one.  

What you think about it could shape the rest of your life. 

Depending...but not on myself.

There’s one message that I’ve been hearing loud and clear lately: “Depend on Me.”

When I say I’ve heard this, I don’t mean in some loud, audible voice, but rather, I mean, in a constant, every-time-you-read-you’re-going-to-get-to-this-point type of way. You know what I’m talking about? Every deeply focused conversation, every time I see the brokenness in my own life and in the lives around me, and every time I pick up the Bible, I am gently reminded of the same thing…

We are desperate people who can only make it through life with a sincere dependence upon the Lord. (And by ‘make it through life’ I don’t mean merely survive – for all of us can do that to a certain extent. I mean live a life that points others toward a God of grace, love, and eternal life. I mean to live life in a way that outlives you – that has an eternal impact that reaches beyond yourself. That’s what I mean…)

Life has been moving pretty fast for the past several months (which is probably the reason why I haven’t updated my blog in a while). I got married (on December 29^th), went on a SWEET honeymoon to Puerto Rico, moved to Boston, and began living in 600 square foot apartment with Mr. Weatherl, my husband. Between the wedding festivities and living with a man for the first time in my life, things have been...well...a little all over the place.

(I have to confess that the funniest moment post-honeymoon has been trying to explain to my husband what a duvet cover is. Hint to all future wives: Just tell him it’s a pillowcase for a comforter.)

Anyways…

Last Thursday, I felt defeated. Marriage felt hard. Being a woman felt hard. Past struggles started to creep back up, and all I wanted to do was…I don’t know…watch a movie or something. Since it was the beginning of the day, I had the notion that I should do something more productive with my time and work to redirect my thoughts on something beyond myself and the way I was feeling.

I opened the Bible and was encouraged by what I read.

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked…but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers” (Psalm 1:1-3).

Refreshing.

I want to live this way. I want to live a life that is strong, one that is fruitful (brings nourishment to others), and one that draws people toward the Lord, but, if I’m being honest with you (as I am being), this isn’t the way I’ve been living lately.

Marriage has made this clear to me.

I can be passive aggressive at times. I can use my tongue to say destructive things rather than constructive things. I lack gratitude for the things the Lord has blessed me with – and the things He has withheld from me. I often times turn to coping mechanisms to deal with frustration and anger instead of Jesus and his ability to help me.

I end up lost and feeling like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of bad decisions and bad attitudes – and I don’t know how to get it to stop.

The magic word is dependence.

Psalm 1 doesn’t tell me how to fix myself, but instead encourages me to focus on Jesus. Psalm 1 doesn’t ‘dog’ on me and tell me I’m not doing good enough, it just reminds me to think about how the Lord is enough.  Psalm 1 tells me that there’s blessing in walking with the Lord. By walking with the Lord, even if hard things happen and everything in life seems to be going in the opposite direction than I had planned, there’s a deep down assurance that He’s in control and, ultimately, I am going to experience life to the maximum capacity in Heaven. While I’m here on earth, though, the goal is to delight in Him (and if I don’t, I should pray that I do).

Rejoice in who He is, what He’s done, and what He’s doing.

Meditate on Him, think about Him, and don’t just compartmentalize Him to one part of your day. 

Let Him own your day…every day.

Don’t make of a list of dos and don’ts – just depend on Him, and He’ll grow me.

You see, my life was once marked by chaos and distance from God, which meant that my destiny was not looking great, but because of Jesus, and His ability to call my heart to His, my life has been flipped around and set in a different direction.

My relationship with God started with dependence. It started with the surrendering of myself and the way I had been doing things for a new way of life – a new way of thinking. It started by seeing the sacrifice that Jesus made on the cross and believing that it was the ultimate and most perfect sacrifice that could be made for mankind, and placing my trust in it. Salvation didn’t come to me through self-dependence or my own ability to be good enough – it came through believing He was enough.  

Today, as I’m navigating through life, dependence is still the goal.

When I feel lonely because I miss my Dallas friends and just want to be upset about it, I must depend on Him to comfort me. When I feel confused about the direction to take job wise, I must depend and trust in His ability to lead me. When I don’t know how to handle marital conflict or how to be an encouraging wife, I must depend on Him to humble me and open my eyes to all of the wonderful things happening around me.  

Dependence. It’s always been dependence.

Oh, how quickly I forget.