When all you want is Macaroni and Cheese

Over the past 25 years of my life, there’s been one Thanksgiving that has stuck out over the rest.

I was about nine and my parents had decided to host the year’s Thanksgiving festivities. Unlike the years before, both sides of our family, plus our next-door neighbors were all invited. The house had been cleaned from roof to floor, and the sugary smell of sweet potatoes began to linger in the air. The doorbell rang and guests began filing in, filling up our tiny living room. I remember walking through crowds of people, ducking my head down to avoid hitting their elbows. Our house was packed.

Around noon, I took a break from playing with my cousins upstairs to run down to the kitchen to check out the meal’s menu. I looked on each counter and peaked in each pot on the stove only to find that I didn’t like anything being prepared. I immediately began hunting for my mom. When I found her, I ‘kindly’ suggested that she make me macaroni and cheese, but was given a blunt ‘no’ in return. With an outburst of anger, which was a typical response from me at that age, I grabbed a plate, a piece of turkey, and a roll and ran upstairs to my bathroom. I sat in the floor, on my fuzzy green bath mat, crying. I hated ham. I hated yams. And I hated Thanksgiving.

Thank God my perspective, and my taste, has changed.

This past Sunday, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, when someone suggested that we go around the circle and tell everyone the top 3 things we are thankful for. To be honest, the question was a bit difficult, for there are many things I am thankful for. I mean, what would I do without my coffee pot, a warm bed, and the job I have?


After much thought, here’s where I landed (in no particular order):


My Family.

I cannot think of a day that my family has not impacted. My dad is a constant force in my life. In a world that continually begs for you to be something different than you really are, it’s refreshing to see someone who doesn’t listen. He’s himself, and he’s fully okay with that. If someone asked me to list the people in this world I respected the most, he would be on that list. He truly shows me, on a weekly basis, what it means to serve, love and support others.


My mom is my mom – and that’s almost all I can say. She may be one of the most outgoing women I know, and I love that about her. The word “stranger” is not in her vocabulary, for she has never met one, and within a few seconds she can update anyone on what’s going on in the lives of those around her. Throughout my life, she has opened her arms not only to me, but also to all of my friends. The way she loves and encourages others is warm and inspirational. She is quite possibly one of the most kind and compassionate women I know.

My sister, Natalie (I call her Sissy), and The Martin Clan (her husband Ryan and their four children, Jackson, Macy, Cooper and Kate) bring such joy to my life. My life would look dramatically different without their presence in it. My sister has always been a continual means of encouragement in my life. She offers advice and lovingly points me in the right direction when my attitude, thoughts or actions are a little off course. Watching her and Ryan balance their life with love and intention always evokes awe in me. From Jackson, 5, to Macy, 3, and on down to Cooper and Kate, 6 months, I thank the Lord for this cute little family. I’m blessed to get to be a part of their lives.


Friendship.

Friends are one of the things I continually thank God for. I mean, God is God and he can do what he wishes so the fact that he designed us to live life with others, and then provided others to live life with is astonishing to me.


This year, possibly more than ever, I’ve grown to appreciate the gift of friendship. With the establishment of new relationships, to the strengthening of older ones, I’ve gotten to see how the Lord really uses friendship to shape who you are and who you’re becoming. From my roommate, to my Community Group, over to the MEGA Girls, I’ve learned to appreciate the unique design God used when creating each of us. My college friends, and post-college friends, have shown me what it means to faithfully invest in the lives of others. I’m extremely thankful for the love and truth they offer, and feel privileged to get to spend my days with them.

The Holy Spirit.


Every morning when I wake up, I brew a cup (or 4cups) of coffee, sit down with my Bible, a pen, and a journal and get to thinking. I don’t get far before I feel compelled to thank God for the light that allows me to see, the coffee that keeps me awake, the water that I have that many others don’t, the Bible I read, and the aptitude to write. I thank Him for the ability to speak to Him without having to stand behind a curtain, and the ability to have fellowship with Him through His grace. You see, the fact that I have a relationship with him was not of anything I did myself. All I did was respond to what He was doing in my heart. It's pretty amazing that I can know Him. I'm thankful for His direction. If I were guiding myself, I’d end up in places that I know my heart would not benefit from. He knows where I’m going, and He is my only hope. He’s for certain – the only thing worth banking on – and this Thanksgiving, as every other day, I’m thankful for His guidance and the growth that has come out of it.

If I had to be honest with anyone, I would say that I’m still not a huge fan of turkey and ham, and I STILL think that we’re missing out on a great thing by not having Macaroni and Cheese as a part of our Thanksgiving Day spread, but, at age 25, there’s a lot more to the meal than a cheesy covered shell. There's the celebration of life and all that comes with it! There’s the gratitude in knowing that we deserve nothing but are given much.

Now, that’s worth celebrating.

A Thing is More Than a Thing

I have come to believe that nothing is just something. Just when you think a book is just a book, you end up learning something profound in its pages. A song becomes more than just a fine melody when you gain clarity through one of its stanzas…I could go on for hours.

Two weeks ago, I went on a trip to New York City. From the moment we landed I knew the trip was going to be freeing. The weather was perfect. The sun was shining, and my Toms made their way out of my suitcase. I breathed deeply and got ready for the adventure at hand.

Setting off from our hotel, we walked down 5th Avenue, checked out Trump Tower, strolled down Broadway and 7th, and trucked it through Central Park. We took pictures of the Dakota, the last residence and murder spot of John Lennon, and ventured through Strawberry Fields. The history was rich. My respect for the city grew. As we walked around, I remember admiring the fashion and the way people hurried in their business suits from one place to other. I was fascinated by the tall cathedrals and beautifully constructed buildings, and, to be completely honest, was a bit envious of the way in which people seemed to be taking on their dreams.

That night, as I was walking into my room to go to bed, I told my mom, “This place makes me want to succeed at something.” I would soon realize the depth of that statement.

The next morning, I woke up and went down to the deli next to our hotel. I bought a cup of coffee, pulled out my Bible and pen, and started reading. I came across this verse, and it wouldn’t leave me alone:

Jeremiah 7:23&24 reads, "But I gave them this command: Obey me, and I will be your God and you will be my people. Walk in all the ways I command you, that it may go well with you. But they did not listen or pay attention; instead, they followed the stubborn inclinations of their evil hearts. They went backward and not forward."

You see, a big part of my story is a continual struggle with trying to find meaning in things that were never purposed to give me such. On this list are a variety of things: a reputation; a certain amount of money; a job title; a particular body shape; and a busy schedule. On that day, in that little deli, I realized that many of the things that once plagued me were, once again, beginning to offer me a dose of their toxins. The idols had fallen off of their thrones, but they had not been destroyed.

Psalm 81:9&10 reads, "You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not bow down to any alien god. I'm the Lord your God...open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

In that moment, I realized that my heart was becoming unfaithful. The success that I desired the night before was not the right kind of success. It was success geared at making much of me, and not much of God. I was amazed at how easily an environment had influenced my heart. Would I seek God if I lived in New York City? The question haunted me.

On the plane ride home, later that week, I thought about the question. I spun it around in my head. I looked at the people on the plane, and then thought about it some more. Here’s the answer I came to:

My pursuit of anything that leads me away from God’s design for me is futile. Through my own pain and rebellion, I’ve learned that one thing is certain – God deals with the sinner whom He loves, and He does what He wills to capture his or her heart again. I could live in NYC and pursue all there is to pursue. I could chase money, success, things, status, etc., but deep down I know that all of those things would lead me to a state of emptiness. I’d end up in a place wanting nothing more than life, joy and peace. I’d end up in a dark place asking God to, once again, turn my life around. It’s a circle.

You see, things that weren't designed to fill us never can.

Matt Chandler frequently talks about the fact that we are our own number one joy robber. I think it’s legit. No one thing robs me of my joy as much as I do. My decisions, my choices to ignore the convictions the Holy Spirit places on my life, my declarations to go my own way when desiring something of this world, they all rob me. In Christ is life. Drinking of Him means to drink life at the fullest possible level. When my walk with Him is thrown off, when my fellowship with
Him is interrupted, my life lacks peace and my heart becomes ill.

"If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within" (John 7:37&38).

My little trip to New York was no longer just a trip to New York. It had become an instrument the Lord had used to reveal to me the depth of my brokenness and my desperate need for Him. I was aware, more than ever, of my idols. He used the experience to remind me that He created me, and He knows what satisfies. He satisfies, and He alone is God.

Gaga and Perry

Dang it Lady Gaga. You put out some really great beats, but your words are hard for me to listen to.

Yesterday, I was driving down 635 when this catchy song came on the radio. I rolled down my windows, turned it up, and seriously got lost in the moment. I couldn't decide if it was a new Ashley Simpson song, or if Christina Aguilera was a part of the mix, but with a smile on my face, I enjoyed each down beat and every high-pitched note. As the song came to a close, I frantically pulled out my phone and began Googling some of the lyrics to figure out who was singing the song...wow...Lady Gaga.

I'm not saying I am anti-Gaga, I just choose to not really pay much attention to her. I think she's totally gifted and, if she truly doesn't care what people think of her, that's incredible; however, being a person whose heart easily gets distracted, I try to not go there. I have to be cautious.

Anyways, back to my story...

I downloaded the song, and listened to the lyrics. This line caught my attention:

"There's only three men that I 'ma serve my whole life, it's my daddy and Nebraska and Jesus Christ."

Okay. It reminded me of the lyrics to "Born This Way," which I had randomly heard earlier that day. I Googled those, too.

"It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M, just put your paws up. 'Cause you were born this way, baby...I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track baby, I was born this way."

Interesting.

Over the past couple of hours, I've thought about Gaga a few times. I wonder who Gaga really is. Like who is she right before she goes to bed at night? Is she wasted, or is she a book-light reader? Does she do the whole bubble bath thing, or does she pull out a guitar and sing? Does she simply watch the news, or a black-and-white movie? All I'm saying is Gaga is someone when no body's looking, and it may be different than how we typically see her.

As I was talking with a coworker about all of this, Katy Perry got thrown into the equation. We talked about how outraged Perry had become after one of Gaga' videos "made dirty" of the Catholic Rosary. We talked about how she (Perry) claimed to be a Christian, and felt as though the video was disgracing the faith. (Even though Perry isn't walking with God, the fact that someone else walks all over the concept of it infuriated her.)

My question is, why?

Perry used to sing songs to a God she deeply believed in. Now, she doesn't, but when someone else bashes Him, she gets defensive. Does she still, somewhere deep down, have affections for Him? I can't help but wonder what's under everything.

There have been many moments in my life when I totally spit on God's Word. (I know this sounds intense, but just hang with me for a bit.) During these times, I claimed to be a Christian and did all of the right things each Sunday, but my heart was in the wrong place. My heart was set on making much of myself and not on making much of my Creator. I totally ignored the convictions He placed on me so that I could do what I thought I needed to do in order to fit in, be known, and be considered worthy of people's praise. This only worked for so long though; eventually, I found myself dreadfully empty and headed toward destruction. My world felt dark, so I ran to the light. He was there. He had always been there - I just didn't want to surrender.

I ran in circles until I was utterly exhausted from running. When I stopped, I surrendered and accepted that God was truly God, and I was definitely not. Are they running?

Check out the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Luke 15. The point of the story is that a shepherd will find the lost sheep, even if it's only one. Or look at the next little story in that chapter, the Parable of the Lost Coin. A woman had 10 silver coins and lost one, so she search[ed] carefully until she [found] it" (vs. 8). Finally, look at the next one, the Parable of the Lost Son (the Prodigal Son). The younger son runs off, squanders his father's wealth, and returns home to a Father longing to love his son.

There's a theme here: the lost are found.

Again, I don't know Katy Perry's heart, and I cannot even begin to tell you the depths of Gaga's. I don't know what they truly believe or why they do the things they do. All I'm saying is that if they are God's, if they are true believers in His grace and are completely aware that there is nothing they can do to earn eternal life with him, except for surrender under His sacrifice on the cross, then I believe God will find them. At some point, through death or life, He will grab their hearts and remind them of who He is.

God sought me out. He sought out the sheep, the coin, and the lost son. I ran and ran until BAM! I couldn't run anymore. What I found in my surrender was peace, restoration, freedom, and purpose in hardship. A life bigger than my own.

I don't know your story. You may have been walking with Christ every since you met Him, or you may not even believe. You may be "doing your own thing" right now, and figure you'll trust in God when you have a family or grow older. Or you may be like I was (and can still sometimes be) - you may be running because following Him means sacrificing things you don't want to give up. I get it.

God's Word says that "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us" (Psalm 103:12). He also says that "neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 8:38&39). He's the Father who wants to love on His lost son...or daughter. The question is: are we accepting it?

Dang it Lady Gaga. I listen to your music and this is what happens. I need to get back to the dishes...

Two Tracks, One Purpose

If you've known me long at all, you know that I LOVE country music. It's just one of those things that won't leave me alone. As hard as I try to throw my love for the music out of the window, it always flies back in. (If you're like most people, you're wondering why I even try to get rid of it in the first place. That, my friend, will be outlined at a later date, for it's complex situation, and right now, I'm on a different wave length.) My purpose in mentioning this is so that you know when my mom asked me if I wanted to go see Dolly Parton in concert a couple of weeks ago, I jumped ecstatically at the opportunity.

The show was incredible. Besides the fact that I spilt red liquid on my newly bought, and rather expensive, Dolly shirt, I couldn't have asked for a better concert experience. Dolly is something else. Although her show is quite simple, containing well-written songs, many stories, and very few visuals, she puts on a great one. Her personality, stunning voice, ability to speak to the people in the crowd as though they were her friends, and her heart light up the stage in a very unique way that, if I had to be honest, I'd say only should can do. In other words, I left the show quite amazed at the gift God had given her.

That night, as I laid in bed reflecting on the whole experience, I pulled out my journal to document my thoughts. Here's what I wrote: "I can't help but sit in amazement at the raw talent the Lord gave Dolly Parton. To be honest, I feel a little jealous. Why couldn't God have given me that much talent?"

When I woke up the next morning with the concert still fresh on my mind, I processed a bit more. It's pretty incredible that some people end up being rich and famous, while others end up being 'average' citizens, or even people desperate for food. And all of these people end up where they are for the same reason. (See Ephesians 1:11&12 which reads, "In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according the the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our home in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.")

Sometimes I struggle with believing that those who make it to the top do so because of their own effort - their own drive. That line of thought makes me feel disappointed about where my life is right now. It makes me feel as though I haven't tried hard enough to become something, like I've sat on the sidelines and watched the world achieve at life. It makes me feel as though all I've done is sit still. Even though I know I have sought God for direction and have done my best to follow His lead, it still makes me feel as though I'm not 'successful' enough. Then, I remember the truth.

First off, I can never know the story behind the scenes just by looking at a face. Sure, having the talent and ability of Dolly seems appealing, and her life that comes from it seems fun, but I don't know the internal struggles she faces every day. It's funny and sad at the same time to think about how life can appear great to others, but when the end of the world happens, the fame gained and the money made could all end in worthlessness. (Back to this thought later.)

Secondly, and most importantly, God does as He wills.

Proverbs 19:21 reads, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails."

Psalm 94:11 reads, "The LORD knows all human plans; he knows that they are futile."

God is over all. Whether you believe it or not, He is. He created the heavens and earth. He created my heart as he did yours. When God created the tree in the garden, he knew Eve was going to eat of it, and then tell her husband to do the same. Nothing is hidden from God. Nothing is beyond his control. If He wants something to be and He knows that thing will bring Him more glory than it was bringing Him in the original state, will He not change it? I believe we ought to work hard. I believe working hard is what the Lord calls us to do. (Check out Proverbs 14:23, Proverbs 21:25, Ecclesiastes 9:10, and Colossians 3:23.) I just don't think the ultimate outcome is up to us.

I can strive, I can labor, I can achieve. I can grit my teeth and grip my knuckles, but if God doesn't want to bring my plans into fruition, if it isn't part of his purpose, He won't do it. I don't have that much control.

You see, we're all builders. Each life is a building. I know this sounds crazy, but just hang with me for a bit.

First Corinthians 3:10-15 reads, "By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person's work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved - even though only as one escaping through the flames."

Paul here is speaking of the church. He states that the church is build upon the foundation of Jesus Christ and he warns those of Corinth to be careful as to how they build upon it. Not everything in this life matters ("gold, silver, and costly stones"). He reminds them to build with things that are in line with Christ, for if not, in the end, their efforts will prove to be only dust.

I can build for my fame, but in the end it won't matter unless that's the way the Lord wanted to glorify himself through my life. I must build on the church of Christ with Christ-influenced and Christ-led materials. Quality over quantity.

J.P., the Single Adults Pastor at Watermark, once used the analogy of Michelangelo carving out his famous statue of David. When Michelangelo was asked how he knew which pieces to hack off and which ones to keep on the monument, he simply stated, "I just chipped away that which did not look like David." J.P. drew it all back in by saying that this in our lives that don't look Christ.

Right now, I'm building. So are you. I'm a member of Christ's body, so I know that I'm building upon the proper foundation (that is, Christ). All the same, I'm building. Each activity I'm in, each relationship I influence, every conversation I have, and each thing I do are all materials I'm building with. The question is this: Are all of these materials in line with the heart of God, since that's what truly lasts? Are these materials 'gold and precious stones' or 'hay and stray'? Am I being cautious with how I build and invest?

Dolly is one special woman. She speaks of Jesus often, but I don't know where her heart is. I may never be famous, in fact, I doubt I ever will be. Dolly is though. Again, Dolly is famous and I am not. So, Dolly must build on the foundation of Christ as a famous person and I must build on the foundation of Christ as a not-famous person. In the end, the fame and the fortune won't matter one bit. What will matter in her life and what will matter in mine is the same. We both get one life, and, in that life, God's glory is what matters. It's what we both were made for.

"So you better get to living" (Dolly Parton). Good reminder.

"What Would You Do?"

Last week, I had one of those “moving” television experiences. I don’t know if you know what I’m talking about, but it really is something. It’s a moment when what you see becomes a catalyst for change, and spurs you on toward something bigger – something deeper. Again, I had one of those moments.

I was sitting in this ridiculously comfortable chair my parents have when “What Would You Do?” came on ABC. You see, the entire show is based around monitoring how people will respond to various set-up situations, many of which hit the heart pretty hard. The people who are part of the random charades are paid actors who have become pros at feeling comfortable with angry rebukes, and odd bystanders. Excited for what this particular episode would hold, I turned the volume up, grabbed a blanket, and leaned back. Four scenarios came across my screen:

1. A woman of Chinese decent was sitting in a crowded restaurant with her daughter who had made an A- on test. Not satisfied, the girl’s mom pounded her daughter with all sorts of insults about her grades and educational performance.
2. A pregnant teenage woman was meeting with a married couple who was interested in adopting the child she was carrying. The pregnant woman promised the couple they would receive the baby but explained that she had a few medical costs she needed covered. The married couple agreed to pay them, a deal was made, and the couple left. A few minutes later, another young married couple walks in and meets with the pregnant woman. She makes the same promise, to give them the child she was carrying, and receives another check.
3. A 15-year-old boy wants to buy condoms for him and his girlfriend to use; however, he knows the cashier at the counter and is fearful that she will tell his mom, so he asks random customers to buy them for him. Toward the end of this act, ABC threw in another scenario: The same situation is played out but with a teenage girl who wants to buy the Plan B pill.
4. A couple is demonstrating domestic violence along a walking trail in the middle of the day. The boyfriend is pushing his girlfriend around as he insults the way she is dressed.

As each scenario played out, I was amazed to see how different people responded. To the first one, women went CRAZY. Several women went up to the child when her mom went to the restroom and told her to call 911. One woman even cussed the mom out as she chased her out of the restaurant. In the second one, only one man went up to the second couple and explained that they were being scammed. In act 3, all sorts of responses were evoked. The teenage boy got a few fist pumps, a few lectures, and almost every time a pack of condoms. What about the teenage girl wanting Plan B? She received a lot of compassion, and only one woman refused to buy her the pill. The fourth and final set-up is what challenged me the most…

As a quite large young adult pushed his girlfriend around, people put their own lives in danger by stepping in the middle of it all. One woman, a petite rollerblader, even demanded that the man leave and was later brought to tears as she tried to comfort the embarrassed and abused girlfriend. Two grandmas stepped in, and several large bodyguards, as well. I was amazed most, however, by a young, and very skinny, man who pushed the boyfriend out of the way and asked that he take his frustration out on him instead of the girl. Incredible.

I took a deep breath and turned off the television.

Two days later I sat at Starbucks thinking about what I had watched. What caused some of these people to be so courageous? When ABC asked them, they simply said that they had to do the right thing. Would I? I found my answer through another question…

What causes people to be courageous for Christ?

I hear stories all the time. For example, a pastor on staff with the church I work for was at the movies when he saw a husband and wife fighting. Although he wanted to avoid the awkwardness, his wife gently nudged him hinting that he needed to intervene. So, he strolled over, and had a very calm conversation with the man and his wife. He asked them what was wrong and sympathized with them. The pastor had been there before. The story was familiar. The fighting couple, no longer fought. Instead, they cried. Healing was found. People were pointed toward Christ.

What about Paul of the New Testament? Beaten, stoned, imprisoned, chained and killed for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Or what about David? His own son betrayed him, enemies sought after his life, he continually sought to love his enemy only to receive hate in return. What causes such boldness? What silences fears in a way that allows people to live like this? What causes people to be courageous for Christ?

I believe it all comes down to hope.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

What causes a man or woman to do courageous things for the sake of the gospel? I believe, it’s a hope that is placed fully in God. A displaced hope leads to a disoriented and mixed-up purpose.

“My soul finds rest in God alone;

My salvation comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will never be shaken…

My salvation and my honor depend on God;

He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in Him at all times, O people;

Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:1-2, 7-8)

God alone is where David found his comfort, joy and hope. He set his life on the fact that God was the only sure thing. This allowed him to be unshakable. God was his refuge in times of spiritual hardship, or physical danger. David didn’t run to food, clothes, riches, control or fame in the middle of hard times; he ran to the Lord. He found his definition through God – not through the world – for he knew it would fail him, but his God would not.

My hope can’t be found in a relationship, a job, a certain financial situation, the clothes I wear, the material possessions I acquire, or in my social status. It can’t be found in being a certain size or reaching a desired spot of physical fitness. Relationships will end, my body will force me into retirement, or my company will. My money will run out, or it’ll just go to the next person in my family when I die. I’ll grow out of my clothes, and my material possessions will grow old. I will let people down and they will do the same to me. My body will decline, as age becomes an issue. I can’t put my eggs in these baskets. I can’t bank my money there. They’ll all fail me. I know this. I’ve tried.

Christ is certain. If half of my eggs are in his basket and the other half are somewhere else, I still end up displaced. I end up confused and utterly ineffective. I want to do what’s right. I don’t want to fear what will happen for doing it. I want to stand up for justice, and love in it all. I want to fearlessly proclaim Christ, but, if I’m honest, many times I shrink back.

To be courageous, I’ve got to focus on the fact that in life or death, Christ remains. To be where He wants me is the richest reward this life can offer. He makes hard times bearable and filled with purpose. Stand up for justice, seek peace, and humbly walk with Him…whatever happens, He’s got me, and his hope does not disappoint.

Order

I doesn’t matter who you are, there’s just something about a clean room. You walk in and your heart is at ease. You breathe deep with genuine satisfaction, for everything is complete. Your carpet is vacuumed, your shades are dusted, your bed is made, and all your clothes are hung up. Haaaaah…the long awaited exhale of order – it’s deeply satisfying.

The past two months of my life have been rather challenging. Through post-eating disorder thoughts, the desire to fully control my time, and random spouts of insecurity, I have seen how un-together I am. I am learning, in some areas quicker than others, that when I try to control things, they get out of hand, for my solution is rarely the right one. When I try to create my own way of ordering things, they often times end up chaotic. I pile on one thing after the other until WHAM! I’m lost in it. My room (my heart that is) gets messy.

I believe we were created to be in order. If God made our hearts, our bodies, and the world in which we live, it would make sense that he knows how they best work together. On a WAY smaller scale, it’s almost like a software developer who knows the ins and outs of the program he developed. He knows what things work well with other things and what it takes to make everything run properly. He knows what commands will cause disaster and what commands will cause success. How? Because he created it, and He knows it that well. He purposed the program to run smoothly, and he created a way in which that could happen. The program wont be successful unless it runs as it should.

If God created us for a specific purpose, or plan, He must have created a way in which we were to complete, or pursue, it. I don’t believe that God just placed us here with the hope that we would do what we want, when we wanted to. (If that were the case, I’d have to question God. I mean, C’mon! Creating man for nothing…that just seems like a waste of time.) I believe He placed us here to follow him – to be in order with Him – so that through us He could do miraculous things that would further His glory and kingdom.

The other morning, I woke up with intense anxiety. As I got ready for work, my mind raced with all sorts of thoughts about my paycheck, how much I had spent over the past month, and how much I needed to get through the month. In order to put the internal angst to death, I speed-walked over to my computer and looked up my bank statement. After assuring myself that I was okay, I checked out all of the things I had bought that month. Food, clothes, movie tickets, gum, iTunes songs, and finally, there, tucked into a long list of items, was the amount I had given to causes beyond myself. I felt the sense of security leave me, and again, I felt a lack of peace when it came to my checkbook. Something just felt wrong. Something felt out of line.

Another story hits me…

A few weeks ago I was sitting across the table with a dear friend of mine. As the surface-level ‘catch-up’ conversation started to fade out and the chips in our bowl started to deplete, tears began to flow. As I looked at my friend crying, it was obvious that something was ‘off.’ This time it was in her current relationship. Confusion, worry, doubt, anxiety, unrest, the battle for control, hopelessness, self-blame, and sorrow spilled out. Something was out of sync.

The list goes on and on. A father abandons his wife and child – disorder. A sister betrays her sister by sleeping with her sister’s husband – disorder. A savvy businessman invests his life building an empire but never spends a single day at his child’s soccer game – disorder. Kids get bullied – you guessed it…disorder.

As I mentioned above, I’m no stranger to disorder. Whether it be pride leading me to embarrassment, a improper view of money, or placing my hope in what others think of me, I’ve felt the lack of harmony that comes with living my life out of order. If I were honest with you, I’d let you know that I somewhat feel it now as I struggle with re-learning how to have a healthy view of food. I continually feel the ‘old order’ (the order that wants to control everything I eat so that I can maintain a certain waist size) fighting for my heart, but that’s my woman-made order, and I must learn to let go of the reigns it has on my life. I desire the freedom that only He can bring.

I was listening to a podcast today, and the speaker said something that resonated with me. She said, “Obedience (order) breeds peace; disobedience (disorder) breeds chaos.” So true.

If I believe I was created by the God of the Bible (which I do), then I must believe that I was created in His image. In this, I must believe He knows best how I ought to live, for He created the world in which I walk. Didn’t He? His words weren’t given to me just to read and throw aside. They are, in fact, the means by which I which I am to live. He created to be inline with Him. When I’m not, when I’m out of sync, and I feel it because it’s a result of me living life apart from Him, my creator.

Isaiah 26:3 reads, “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trust in you.”

Much like my room, I need order in my heart. I need everything to be in line, and the only way that can happen is by seeking God, the one who gives me life. In seeking Him, I find out what He has to say about where I am. I must humbly allow Him to align my heart with His, even if it doesn’t make sense or is painful for me. This brings order, and order brings peace. Refreshing.

One Thing is Needed.

I had one of those exhaling moments this morning. Do you know what I’m talking about?

It’s almost as if your brain forgets how to multi-task, and you are where you are fully. For a moment, your to-do list fails to exist and the day ahead of you no longerfights for your attention. You are fully present.

“Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre & Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him crying out, ‘Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me!’ […] He replied, ‘It is not right to take the children’s bread & toss it to their dogs.’ ‘Yes, Lord,’ she replied, ‘but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.’” - Matthew 15:21&22, 26&27

The woman was desperate for Jesus. She recognized her deep need for Him, and longed for a small taste, just crumbs, of him. At this moment, she didn’t care that the Jews surrounding her could have her labeled as an enemy and potential threat to their holiness. All she cared about was getting a taste of Jesus.

In Luke 10:38 – 42, Jesus walks into the house of Mary and Martha. In response to his presence, Mary “sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said, but Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made.”

Martha was busy. She sought to please Jesus through good deeds done; however, her heart was not in the position of humility and worship. Martha was busy trying to impress. She stirred the pot, swept the floor, got out the fine china, and prepared the table. Her feet hurried around the kitchen and her brow broke a sweat. And she did so alone…

“[Martha] came to [Jesus] and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

What was Jesus’ response?

“’Martha, Martha,”’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’”

Only one thing was needed, and that was to humbly sit at the feet of Jesus listening to what he had to say. Getting to know Him.

Although these stories to many of us are age-old lessons, they both struck a fresh cord with me this morning.

In both of these stories, the woman begging for crumbs and Mary and Martha, I see just how desperate people are for Jesus.

Just like Martha, I get caught up in doing – in striving. I get distracted. I strive for approval of man, and I get lost in it. You see, I care about what you think of me, though I shouldn’t. Sometimes, I even spend money I shouldn’t spend just so you and others think I’m ‘cute.’ I even go as far as contemplating what I’m going to say next in a conversation with you, even though you’re talking, because I don’t want to disappoint you with my response.

I’m missing the point.

Jesus said only one thing was needed – and that was to be desperate for him. All else fades away. People’s opinions and all we’re doing to gain positive ones all fall away in light of the fact that He is the giver of life.

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

Jesus was the only one thing was needed…and He still is.

Lord, may I desperately sit at your feet today. May I not thirst for the praise of men or their approval of me. May I desperately run to you.

"Teenage Daughters"

Throughout my life, I would say there have been two constants: God and Country Music, and, tonight, as I watched the Tivo version of the Academy of Country Music Awards with my mom, I realized one of the contributing factors to my life-long devotion to the genre.

More than a few performances in, Martina McBride made her way into the spotlight to begin a song called, “Teenage Daughters.” My mom promptly got my attention and asked that I listen to the words she was singing…

“I ain't complainin' but I'm tired , so I'm just sayin' what I think


And if we're bein' honest, and honestly I think I need a drink

.”

My baby's growin' up, she thinks she's fallin' all in love
, and that I hate her
.

At 17 she's just like me when I was 17
, so I don't blame her.”

Hmmmm….I thought the tune was catchy, but I wasn’t quite sure where it was going. Then…

“
It’s like it happened over night
. We’re always wrong, 
they’re always right
.

We used to be the ones breaking the rules
.

Now we’re just mothers
 and we’re just fathers,


Of teenage daughters.”

Ahhh…I see.

As I was driving home, I did a lot of laughing, reflecting and rejoicing.

I remembered a summer-long frenzy of pranks, volleyball tournaments, and my first solo drive to school. I remembered emotion-filled fights with my parents, and reflected on how I dumb I felt afterword. I wrestled with thoughts of my eating disorder, and the pain caused by it. I laughed over funny sleepover moments, summer memories, and the things I thought were such a BIG deal. I thought about homecoming, prom, graduation, and moving away to college.

I thought about the night I FINALLY stopped living for myself alone, and began to allow the Lord to shape my life. I rejoiced.

As I pulled up to my apartment, I got out of my car and thanked God for the experience of being a teenager. Although there were moments that made my parents run in circles, I can’t imagine walking through the ups and downs of teenage-life without them.

McBride’s song is clever. It got me thinking. It made me thankful. It spoke to my heart. I think that is why I love this music.

The Creator of the Map

There is something inspiring about a kid’s imagination.

The past couple of years have ushered in the unique experience of being an aunt. Macy and Jackson are their names, and they are truly a delight. Macy, 3, and Jackson, 5, live pretty radical lives. You see, Macy is a genuine princess – England just hasn’t been informed of it. Tiaras and elaborate dresses make up most of her wardrobe, and if it isn’t pink, it isn’t worth any ounce of her attention. Jackson, on the flip side, is a super hero. Be it Batman, Superman or Wolverine, he plays the part in an ever-convincing way.

For me, the scenery looked a bit different. Add a karaoke set, a plastic guitar, and a CD, and you had my dream world. I longed to be a country singer. In fact, I remember all my thoughts revolved around it. Our mini van turned into a tour bus and my mirror into an audience. I was the next best thing, after Reba, of course.

You know, I bet we all have this in common, for every kid imagines being something. From the time we’re old enough to process visual images, we begin wondering what it might be like if only we were...

Lately, I’ve been reflecting A LOT on Psalm 139. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably skipped over the chapter for the sake of escaping the overly familiar; however, by God’s grace and my desperate need to hear from Him, the verses in it have become life giving to me this week.

“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord…When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”(vs. 1-4 & 15-16).

I find this to be beautiful.

You see, I strongly believe that our Creator didn’t make mistakes when designing us. I believe if He did, He would have gone back and corrected each incorrect mark. Why would an artist want to display anything but His best? He calls us his “workmanship” right? (I also believe that God defines perfection, so a disability, or a mistake in our eyes, isn’t truly one in His, but this is a topic for a later date.) Though I believe it, I get lost in it.

Why did God create me the way He did? What path is He going to lead me down because of it? Will I ever get married? Do I even want to? All the questions can become traps.

His Word says that “[He’s] familiar with all my ways].” It even says that He “perceives my thoughts from afar.” He knows me. Truthfully, He knows me better than I know myself, for before I even had a thought he had thought of me. Before I had a heart, he decided how it was going to be constructed. Before I had a frame, He decided how it ought to look. Now, isn’t that amazing?

When I focus on what He knows, and what He’s always known, it makes my thoughts seem so diminutive, which (perhaps because they are) leads me to one conclusion: I must trust the one who knows me best –my Creator.

My name is Lindsey. I’m 24 years old. I live in Dallas and I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. For a moment, let’s say I did. Let’s say I magically was handed a map of my future, what would I then be trusting in? The map, or the maker of it?

I know his Word is true, so I believe that He’s got me. He knows where I’m going, and He knows exactly why.

“A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way? […] Humility and fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life.” (Proverbs 20:24 and 22:4).

As I watch Macy and Jackson run around my sister’s house, jumping from one chair to the next, I can’t help but wonder about the future the Lord has in store for them. Is Jackson going to be an engineer or a scientist? What about Macy? Where will she go, and what things will she enjoy?

I’m astonished by the fact that He already knows. All we can do is imagine.

Concrete Circus

I think sometimes we underestimate the value in parking lots.

In a fast-moving world, with all sorts of outer and inner chaos, there's something so special about a place where you literally stop. For most of my life, parking lots have merely been a place of oil stains, random liquid deposits, McDonald's cups, and half-puffed cigs. Tonight, however, as I sat in my car and gazed up at the pharmacy sign on the building in front of me, I realized my true appreciation for the concrete circus. My sister and I had just talked about loneliness (and the ways in which we seek to fill it), community (and what it should look like), and the ways in which the Lord moves in random circumstances (even if it seems as though He's doing nothing). In that moment, I was thankful for the parking lot.

Several years ago, I was pulling out of a parking space when I saw the woman next to me. Although she appeared normal, by all external measures, what she was doing caught my attention. With her music up and her hands up in the air, she sang the song on her radio as hard as she possibly could. Maybe, she was worshiping. Whatever was going on, it was beautiful. I bet she was thankful for that parking lot.

In college, I lived with three other girls. If someone was blow-drying their hair, we all heard it. If someone had a horrible case of the sniffles, we all fell victim to its repetition. And if someone needed to have a beyond-the-surface-level conversation...they escaped to the parking lot. It was quiet and completely trustworthy. In that lot, I shared with my sister the fears I had in overcoming addiction. Not only that, but I broke up with boys, cried with my mom in the midst of sorrow and confusion, and rejoiced in the union of close friends. There, I examined my Bible, and jotted down my thoughts. I prayed and I reflected. It was wonderful. I was so thankful for the solitude it provided.

A couple of days ago, my friend and I were sitting in my car talking about God's love for us. We were parked outside of my apartment, but the conversation needed the silence, so we sat there instead.

Tonight, I found something beautiful in a slab of concrete. In the eye of crazy schedules and too-many-things-to-do, the parking lot gave me an excuse. It made me stop. The beauty wasn't in the clearly defined almost-rectangular designs but was in something else.

Perhaps, was in the permission to rest.

So here's my ode to parking lots! As crazy and off-the-wall as it may seem, I am grateful for them. Were it not for their purpose in stopping me, I may have bypassed many things.